Journal: Relationship Misalignment pt.1

Misalignment in Relationships Causes Stress

Most of my blogs speak on the diverging of relationships. I feel like I exist in a Paradigm, Frequency, or “Dimension" of relationships that is becoming, or will become more prominent as time continues. A lot of these things I speak on in regards to relationship have to deal with the authentic “Alignment” between you and another person, and most importantly. Yourself. Without alignment across paradigms, beliefs, values, communication, and more - with you and another person - most relationships will either be forced to work, or end, time and time again..

When in deeply, entangled, spiritual relationships. Nothing goes unnoticed. If you subconsciously start to feel negatively toward your relationship or partner. Your partner has a high chance they will pick up on it. No matter the Gender. Whether through dreams, intuition, or observation. You may be trying to preserve yourself, and sort through your emotions individually. Or simply questioning the validity of your emotions and thoughts. You may even be communicating these struggles. But the further the divergence occurs, it will become prevalent, felt, or seen..

My girlfriend at the time gave me a phone call one day, and shared a dream in which she said I answered the phone, and, externally, gave a grunt before officially answering. She said in the dream it made her feel like I was aggravated with her, or was getting aggravated with speaking to her in general. Let me remind you. This is her speaking of a dream. Now in regards to myself, internally. In actual reality I was beginning to feel this way. Shortly after we had this conversation. I had a realization. There were a great number of times. When I would answer the phone to talk to her, it seems like I would start yawning and become tired or exhausted all the sudden. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this while it was occuring. Maybe I was just so focused on spending time on the phone with her. As someone who works on the road as a truck driver. This was our consistent way of communicating..

Anyways, she began to speak on the topics of not knowing where she ft in my life. She was wanting to have more in depth conversations on future-oriented timelines and desires that had to do with the both of us. She was looking for reassurance. She was wanting me to express myself that made a future seem more guaranteed..

Here’s why I began getting aggravated with speaking to her in general:

I began feeling like she was a disturbance to my peace and solitude. Overall I began feeling like she was mainly adding to the stress of all the other things that were causing stress. Overall. I began feeling like coming home wasn’t going to bring peace and joy into my life. I started feeling like, yet again, the road was my home. My aggravation to complexities inside the relationship didn’t motivate me to think or speak on future-oriented motivations or endeavors including her. Being present for the time being is what felt good to me, and is what I needed at the time. I do believe that relationships naturally go through seasons in which some emotional needs won’t get met depending on the season a person may be individually going through, or the season the relationship is going through. I had been going through a season of high stress. I was honestly in a season of high stress before entering the relationship, but she was so much more considerate of the energy she was casting out toward me. I was rebuilding my life from a major recent set back, working a lot in order to rebuild my life, to help her financially with a house we were renting at the time, and to invest in myself. Had just got done dealing with my 2nd court case within a span of a year. Along with spiritual transformations. Mind you. This entire time I had been communicating how emotionally overwhelmed I felt. From beginning, to end.

Authenticity vs Fulfilling Your Needs

I’m not one who’s reluctant to speaking on the future, but I do know. The less happy I feel in a relationship. The less I'm going to force myself to do something in-authentically just to please another persons’ insecurities, or “unmet needs, or enjoyments”. The happier I feel about a relationship I’m in, the more I will naturally express myself, including future-oriented involvements. At this point. Iv’e made a promise to myself to remain authentic at all times. Now. She would tell me. Her desire for me to express verbal validation didn’t stem from insecurities, it was only “something she enjoyed”, but time and time again, if these validations weren't met to some degree that satisfied her, she would become pessimistic, or act in a displeased manner.

Now this is highly conflicting to me. Because I believe that we typically do not react strongly to things we don’t feel we need, or things we enjoy, but don’t get.

For eg: I enjoy festivals, chocolate, beer, and clothing. But I don’t feel like I need them. Therefore. I don’t get upset when there’s a possibility I could have gotten one, or more of of these things fulfilled for some reason. but ultimately did'n’t.

But. We typically do react strongly to things we feel like we need, but aren’t getting. For eg: I need food, water, and shelter. This is even arguable. As infinite beings, we really don’t need anything. Anyways. If I don’t get food, or water, or if someone is restricting my access to food or water. I will react strongly to not getting this need met. Because it’s something I need, in order to stay alive..

So now I'm going to be even more blunt with you all. I don’t care how someone words it, how sweet somebody wants to sound, how secure someone wants to seem. If someone reacts strongly, to you not doing something that they desire, want, need, or “enjoy”, in order for them or yourself to feel satisfied, secure, or comfortable. This I called co-dependency. When we make it someone responsibility to do something, in order for us to have a particular experience or feeling created within us. This is called co-dependency. I believe most intimate relationships in this current reality are built on satisfying conditions for one another in order to have a particular experience. Which is neither bad or good. It just means there is some level of co-dependency to some degree. Even in healthy relationships. I don't believe healthy dependence on a person is a bad thing. But I do believe that there is a part of reality, or a paradigm of reality coming to fruition, where no one will argue with their partner about certain behaviors not being done, in order to fulfill one’s “needs, wants, or desires” so that they can feel more “secure, or comfortable”.

I do believe conversations will occur. Both parties have to know what’s internally going on with the other from time to time. If things fluctuate it let’s the other person know why something has temporarily changed for the time being. Where the fine line is drawn for me. Is that iv’e always been a “here and now” type of person. When I speak on the future it’s usually about very near term goals. Or things more so related to the Collective Conscience. If anybody has known me for a handful of years. They should know this about me. So when a women Iv’e known for 10 years is getting upset with me, for not doing something, that I have never really done with any woman ever. All I can think of, is that they want me to be someone who I’m not. They don’t want me to be my authentic self. They want me to be a version of myself that doesn’t exist in this reality, or at this moment. Or maybe just not with them? I may have said “there’s a lot I’d do for you” but I never promised that I would fulfill every single desire and need to begin with. Just like she never promised to me. But I only feel worse when they can clearly tell what season I’m in, and Iv’e expressed to them how I operate, and how I hold authenticity as my number one goal in life, and in relationships. Numerous times. Yet. Their dissatisfaction seems to be the topic of discussion every week or 2. I naturally just become more present. When shit gets real. I become even more present. I do not. Make promises. About anything. That may not come to fruition. Sorry..

This then extended into topics we’ve discussed for over the past decade of our on and off relationship. She is more expressive then I. I am less expressive than her, but I do express myself when I authentically feel called to do so. I do everything authentically. Especially when it comes to reassuring someone because “they are unsure of where they fit in my reality”, when I could argue that they have no reason to question where they fit. All they have to do is trust, that if I'm here with them, I'm here because I want to be here. If I leave. If it’s because I no longer wanted to be there or didn’t feel aligned with them any longer. Especially if i’m already compromising in ways that show sacrifice. If someone needs me to compromise, sacrifice, and give steady reassurance. I’m sorry. We are unaligned..

No one should be made to feel that their whole entire life, personality, and ways of existing needs to be compromised in order to keep someone else’s happiness alive and thriving. Especially when this person has been in a prolonged extent of stress. This is why I’m going to have blog’s that speak on the importance of alignment. Because there are probably millions of other men that would have given her the reassurance she needed, or wanted, even if they were in the exact situation I was in at the time..

Authentically, if you feel ever you desire guidance on any relationship complexities, feel free to send in a form, message, schedule a call, or glance over any other service of mine/ours